just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
