It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
