My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
