those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
