I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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