apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
