I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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