i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
