I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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