a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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