you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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