I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
