just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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