no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize
