he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
