yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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