Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
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