I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
