you're like a bully in the Christmas story
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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