When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
