So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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