i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
