My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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