Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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