She's JV to your varsity
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
