I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
