I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
