Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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