Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
