Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
