Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
