True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
