You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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