This is not my ceiling
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Randomize
