i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Come share oat with me in your robe
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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