What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize