i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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