The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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