She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
