I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
