I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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