things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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