The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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