All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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