the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
