I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Who died my cat blue again?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
