so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
