Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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