They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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