I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
