question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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