I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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