He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
