I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize