my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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