gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
