Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
