haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
