i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
