he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
