Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
