During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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