you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
