Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
