May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
