Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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