thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
