i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
