naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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