I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
