Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
