If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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