FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
