College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize