I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Boobs speak an international language.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
