So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
