He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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